Conflict in My Heart

I had decided to move to another place next semester, but there is something that make me suffering, I was suffering for the last few months with how am I going to tell my housemates?

In the beginning, we had commitment that whoever want to move out have to find someone to replace him, but that time I just thought that our contract with the landlady is just for 1 year, so this commitment is only effective for 1 year, maybe I will change my mind after 1 year. But I just realized that others do not think like this. I don't understand why I am so suffer in this matter, everyday I decided to tell them about this, but everyday I gave myself excuses to tell them tomorrow, until now also haven't tell them. Maybe this is my weakness that I should change.

I am very sure about what I want to do, what I am looking for, just when I face with other people, I will become very soft and everything I will do according to other people's preferences.

What I can do now is just searching for somebody to replace me, which I wait for a few months also couldn't find. Pray to our heavenly Father that He will give me guidance in solving this problem, share the burden in my heart. For Him this is just a peanut, although He haven't given me answer this few months, but I trust that He will answer me at the right time. I can see He is working on it because I saw that He has prepared a place for me to stay where I will be growing more in Christ!

Obedience

Obedience to Christ is really important to us. Sometimes we will face temptation, peer pressure, that lead us to disobey and rebel. However, this time we should stand firm and trust God, what He planned for us we will not understand, because we are just merely human. Sometimes the way that He guides us seems like very suffering and bad, but actually it is the best way for us.

Last few weeks I was suffering in the decision of going for a trip with coursemates, because I just committed with Him that I will not miss BS anymore. Then I asked Him, should I go? And He answered me, "No". I tried to give myself excuse that maybe this is not the answer from Him, maybe it was just my assumption. After a lot of struggling, I chose to obey Him. At that time I had bought my ticket for transportation and entrance, I just told myself, "It's worth it." And of course, I enjoyed that weekend so much with His words.

Today, one of my coursemates gave me RM35, that money is from the selling of my ticket! I was so surprise, because I thought that my money would be wasted in the ticket. Thanks Him so much, He really can hear me, feel joy with my obedience, and this is the best way He planned for me! Now I understand more about giving and receiving, I gave my obedience to Him and He gave me joy, peace and also my nice, friendly coursemates who concern about me!

"Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my father, and I too will love Him and show myself to him." - John 14:21

Giving and Receiving

All the things that we have now are from God, our healthy body, our brain, money, possessions, family........ Actually He can take away everything from us, but He didn't do that. Imagine that He take away everything from you, your ability of thinking, your skills, how will your life be? You will lose your money, cars, house. So we must appreciate and thank Him for everything he gave us, "We have not received the spirit of the world but the spirit who is from God, that we may understand what God has freely given us" -1 Corinthians 2:12

Notice that God has freely given us so many things, He is so generous, so shouldn't we give something to Him? Give your time, money and heart to Him, so that you can receive. Imagine that you give something to someone, your palm is opened right? And at the same time, when your palm is opened, you are ready to receive. So the more you give the more you will receive, not only money, but other things like blessing, blessing to your family or the people around you, God will listen to you sincerely and answer it. Although we face a lot of sufferings and difficulties in life, we will have a joyful and wonderful life, that you will not be regret.

I understand that as a student, no matter how much money for us is not enough, we always say that we are so poor, no money to use, then how to give it to the needy and God? But actually compared to other people we are very rich already, just we don't know how to use the money only. If we plan well our finances, actually we have extra pocket money. If you really face financial problem, first must willing to give yourself to God, then ask from Him, and He will provide. Of course not just drop from the sky, He will provide a chance for you to get the money, through your work and effort.

There is receiving where there is giving.

Daybreakers

An thrilling movie for me, just like I was in the movie. I hadn't watched this movie I already feel thrilling, thrilling until my heart nearly pop out!

This was the craziest day of my life. Just after bible study, Pei Yin and I went to watch "Daybreakers", which is a horror movie, just 2 of us at the midnight! And I, who seldom drive even in the day time, drove other people's car at night, to Tropicana Mall. When we reached there, just knew that there was no midnight show for this movie there, but we still didn't give up, we decided to go to 1 Utama. Then we got into the car, continued our way to 1U. After 10 minutes drive, we were so curious why can't see 1 U, and we saw a sign board "Puchong". Oh no! We are going to Puchong now!

Then quickly U-turn back, luckily in short time we reached 1U, but where was the parking entrance? Both entrance were being blocked! Then how to go in?! We were still not giving up, ILLEGALLY U-TURN! Yeah, entrance was here, why just now I didn't notice that? But I passed the entrance already, never mind, I returned a little bit. The taxi behind me, please, please don't scold me! Phew, finally we were at the parking entrance there, oh no! The machine that gave the parking ticket was too far away! My hand was not long enough! Immediately I got down from the car to take the ticket. So embarrassing! Haha, luckily there was no car behind me, the taxi went away already.

Get into the parking lot. There was so few cars, quite scary, imagining that later a robber was in front of us, how should i react? We quickly parked our car and get into the shopping mall. The lift there was so old, looked very 阴森. Huh! TGV closed already! Destined that we can not watch the movie! But we were still not giving up, we went to check at GSC, another cinema in 1U, but where was it? Maybe there was way to GSC through first floor. Go to first floor first, we thought. Get into that lift again, after go to first floor, "Where are we now?!" We saw toilet and a very scary corridor, no people or even sound there. We walked for a few steps, Pei Yin said, “I am scared!" We immediately ran back to the lift, and hug each other, both of us were thinking the same thing, "Lift, quickly come la!" When the lift reached, the happiness in us really could not be described. We finally gave up to watch the movie. Left the 鬼地方 in no time. No 1U anymore!

Really an thrilling and exciting movie for us!

A horrible dream

I had a long horrible dream last night, I was very suffering in the process, but i feel a little bit joy in some part of it.

In that dream, the people around me are all seems like possessed by evil spirits, only a few friends of mine and I are not. They keep chasing after us, with evil motive. But there is a hope for us, that is God, we trusted God that He will immune us from the evil spirit, and when we touch the people that is possessed, we pray to God and trust that He can remove the evil spirit from him, without doubt, and He really did that, answered our prayer. This is my joyful part =), like a light that God gave me in the darkness. After that I wake up from my dream.

I realized that my faith in God is growing, compared to last time I won't trust God fully, I only trusted myself. In my life there is full with pressure, suffering, and always a lot of works to do, make me very depress and stressful, just like in the dream, suffer in the darkness, but I trust that my Lord will give me light, like a lamp on my foot, encourage me and give me guidance to enjoy the life that He gives me!